It was the most fun night of fall season: decorations of skeletons, bats, spiders and cobwebs abounded; jack-o-lanterns dimly burning on porches; the pitter patter of small and big feet hitting the sidewalk. I felt excited to be out with my family, beginning a new tradition that I hope to do for years to come. Earlier that evening, we dressed our girl in her pink and white polka dot dress and mouse ears. We had three invites that night but opted to stay in our neighborhood. We had just gone to the first house with our sweet little Minnie Mouse when I felt a wet sensation. I waited until we got to the sidewalk to tell my husband Reyes: “I feel wet. I think my water may have broken.” Before I tell you how the night ended, let me tell you how it started.

Drowning in Illness

It has been said that no two births are the same and my experience confirms that saying. Childbirth holds much awe, mystery and fascination for me. I was thrilled to find out I was carrying my second child and I pored over all the books, podcasts, and YouTube videos to prepare. I knew to expect the unexpected and to visualize how I wanted things to unfold. 

I stopped working in the beginning of October at 36 weeks pregnant and began to prepare for life with two children under two years of age. The first order of business was to get over a cold I had caught in late August. Unfortunately, I had not been able to shake it and my misery continued. What began with sneezing and itchy eyes progressed into exasperating coughing, plugged nasal passages, painful sinuses, pounding headaches and complete lethargy. I sat up in bed night after night to clear my nasal passages. Finally, my husband suggested I stay at my parents’ house where I relocated my rocking chair. Eventually, I succumbed and called out of work so that I could recover. I took my daughter with me to my parents’ house. There I rested, drank tea, breathed steam, rinsed my nasal passages three times a day, and finally out of desperation, took antibiotics and cough medicine but still I was not better. I cannot recall ever having been as sick as that in my life. Even COVID was not as bad as this. I felt as if the devil was actively trying to steal my joy and my health and I refused. 

Thankfully, I recalled a friend of mine who recommended an herbalist. Conventional medicine had failed so I sought the remedies of Traditional Chinese Medicine. I met Serena in her Chinatown office about three weeks before my due date. She felt my pulse, asked me questions, then wrote a prescription for tea. She warned me to resolve my weak lungs and excess mucus or it would affect my baby: “Your baby will be born with sweaty palms if you don’t get better.” I did not know whether I was having a boy or a girl, but I certainly did not want my baby to have any unfavorable outcomes as a result of my poor health. Once my herbs were picked, I went home and brewed tea twice a day for eight days. I had just baked three loaves of banana nut bread and was bummed when she told me my only restriction was bananas. (How do you like that? Haha.) I had a follow up appointment the very next week. I felt better but not 100%. She wrote me two tea prescriptions – one, for the cold and the other, to help with milk production and postpartum recovery. After the second round of tea, I felt much stronger. Finally, I could breathe with ease and was less phlegmy. (Thank you Jesus!)

The Race to Get Ready

Once I kicked my cold, it was time to prepare the house to welcome the new baby. I had a list of 17 items that I wanted to accomplish, including:

• Declutter and deep clean the entire house
• Prepare the car seats
• Hang shelves
• Print birth plan and cut affirmation cards
• Create a labor and delivery playlist
• Wash and sanitize bottles, pacifiers and pump parts

I was ticking off the list but feeling more anxious as my due date was less than one week away and the shelves were not hung nor was the house deep cleaned. The crazy, frustrating and beautiful thing about bringing a baby into the world is that you have no control over how they choose to come or when the time comes. My first child arrived at 39 weeks and 4 days. Using that as a basis, I surmised that I would likely deliver before 40 weeks gestation. Of course, this is not scientific but I felt that I would carry my baby until just before my due date or guess date as it is called in hypnobirthing. I prayed I would finish everything before the baby arrived. Fortunately, my husband took care of the last items on the list and not a moment too soon. I went into labor on the same day my husband hired help to clean our home. Now, I thought there was a strong likelihood of me going into labor or having the baby on this day using my calculation logic mentioned above. However, I prayed that God would keep my baby baking until after the night of ghosts and goblins. I really did not want a child to have a birthday on that day.

The Countdown to Baby #2

My husband looked at me with concern as we sauntered down the sidewalk. He asked, “Do you want to go back home?” I replied, “No, I want to take our girl trick or treating because we didn’t get to take her last year.” “Are you sure?”, he replied. Yes, I was resolved to start a new tradition with my daughter, if only this baby would let me. I continued walking with my family hoping things didn’t progress too quickly. As we continued our outing, I felt no pain. I wondered if my water had trickled out a little or if I had lost my mucus plug.

Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), there were not many houses giving out candy nor was my little Minnie Mouse feeling energetic but we still enjoyed seeing her walk up to the porch and hold out her little bucket. None of the homeowners recognized that a new baby was preparing to enter our world.

Once we got home around 8pm, I checked my pants and saw the bloody show. I thought, “So that’s what I felt? I lost my mucus plug. I’m at the start of labor. I’ll probably have contractions in the morning and have my baby tomorrow night.” We put my daughter, R, to bed and I ran myself a bubble bath. My mother had given me Dr. Teal’s Lavender Bubble Bath and Epsom Salt. My bathroom smelled like a lavender dream. Since the bathroom had just been deep cleaned, I could not wait to hop in the bath and relax – and did I! I burned a candle, played soft music, placed a towel behind my head and water on the rim of the tub. I also placed the figure of the pregnant Blessed Mother my sister had gifted me for my birthday. That image always calmed me and made me feel close to the Blessed Mother Mary. She reminded me of Our Lady of La Leche and I felt she was praying for me and protecting me. Then I reclined and allowed myself to soak and luxuriate. I listened to my Christian Hypnobirthing soundtracks. I felt good! I thought, “I can’t wait to do this again tomorrow! Maybe by this time tomorrow I’ll be in the tub with contractions, soon to meet and hold my baby.” 

I got out of the tub, dressed in my gown, and tied my hair up. I had gotten cornrow braids a week or so beforehand to prepare for labor and delivery (L&D). I wanted a simple hairstyle to maintain during L&D and the immediate postpartum period. Before going to bed, I watched an episode of the ABC show High Potential (I love a good crime or mystery story). I laid down around 10pm and it wasn’t long before I realized that this was not going to be a restful night (laughing but serious). Two days earlier, I experienced false labor contractions during the night. This time, I knew it was real labor since I had lost my mucus plug. However, I was caught off guard with how quickly labor was progressing. 

It was 10:30pm when I began feeling contractions and I began timing them at 11pm. For the first hour, my contractions were a little over one minute long and were 10 minutes apart. I naively thought I could sleep so I could be rested for the morning, but bam! My contractions sped up and were now 4 to 5 minutes apart and just under one minute long. It was not yet 12:30am. I called the L&D Department and was told to continue monitoring. My contractions were coming at 2 to 3 minute intervals and then increased to 4 to 5 minutes apart again. I was in and out of bed. I tried doing comfort measures – moving, sitting on the toilet, bouncing on the birthing ball, swaying – but I wasn’t finding much relief. My husband told me that I was feeling pain because I was “too excited” and needed to calm down. I glared at him and said, “I’m feeling pain because of the contractions!” I was so irritated by his remark, haha. I called L&D again at 1:50am and spoke to a different nurse, Julie, who advised me to come in for an evaluation “to be on the safe side.” I had already decided to go to the hospital. I recalled what the morning nurse told me after R was born: “The next baby comes faster. You’ll want to get to the hospital sooner.” I nearly had my first child in the car and did not want a repeat situation.

Reyes asked his mother to stay with R while we went to the hospital. I called my mother and my doula, Taylor, to tell them I was going to the hospital for evaluation. My mother was disappointed to have missed the birth of her first grandchild, so I wanted to give her plenty of notice to attend the birth of her second grandchild. Reyes grabbed my hospital bag and we headed to the hospital.

Reyes pulled to the hospital entrance and asked me if I could walk in myself or if I wanted him to wheel me in. I told him that I could walk in. He said he’d park and come back for my suitcase if they admitted me. Breathing through the surges, I entered the automatic doors, walked past the security guard and was reaching for the elevator button when I heard the guard tell me that he needed to see my ID. Incredulously, I turned around and told him that I was in labor and heading to the L&D unit. He restated that he couldn’t let me up without seeing my ID, so I tromped over to his desk and breathing through contractions replied, “I don’t have my ID. It’s in my wallet which my husband has. I have a picture of my ID on my phone. Will you accept that?” He said he would and I showed it to him. I rolled my eyes as he released me to head up and I made sure to report that incident after delivery. 

I arrived in the triage room some time after 2am and was evaluated by the last nurse I had spoken to on the phone. Julie was kind and carefully placed my IV port in my forearm rather than my wrist. She examined me and told me that I was 8 ½ centimeters dilated, fully effaced and that I would have my baby soon. Reyes had joined us by then and said he would retrieve my hospital bag from the car. She told him, “I think this may go very fast and I wouldn’t want you to miss the birth. You might want to stay here.” So we elected for him to stay with me but I was annoyed because I had taken the time to meticulously pack my hospital bag – birth affirmations, a speaker, an electric fan and four copies of my birth plan. The nurse asked me about my birth plan but of course I could not remember everything and my husband had not studied it either. We were asked about my birth plan again once we arrived in the labor room around 3am. When Taylor, the doula, arrived she pulled up the last version she had on her phone but I had made changes to the final printed version. I was perturbed to say the least to not have my hospital bag. I couldn’t connect my phone to the speaker. I was so hot and thirsty during labor. I kept asking my husband for water and I wished I had had the fan I packed to give me relief. Thankfully, Taylor had packed items for my comfort. One of them included a fan which she spread and began to furiously wave on me. I was grateful for the relief as the nurses said they had already made the room as cold as possible. 

Since the triage nurse suggested I would give birth quickly, I thought I would have the baby by 3:30am. Nah – guess again. 3:30am came and went with no baby in arms. My nurse, Angel, had examined me and I was fully dilated and she could feel the baby’s head. The baby was still in the water bag. Meanwhile, the nurse unsuccessfully tried to monitor mine and the baby’s vitals. They couldn’t get a read on the baby and kept asking me to move to get a better placement. I had also been asked to read and sign some paperwork. I did the first time but asked Reyes to do it the second time. I needed to focus all my attention on managing the pain I was feeling from the surges. I had prayed for a pain free birth but I was not experiencing that. In my first birth, squatting helped alleviate my pain. Taylor and Angel adjusted my bed for me to hold a bar and squat, but that did not give me the relief I was seeking so I opted to lie on my back instead. Taylor, being the thoughtful doula she is, also brought a comb for me to squeeze. When I felt the surge going through my body I squeezed that energy into the comb. It helped some but didn’t distract me enough. Taylor also massaged my back which helped me feel better. Reyes was standing beside my bed trying to make me laugh and holding my hand. I also squeezed his hand when I felt the contractions. Since I had an unmedicated birth with R and wanted another for this child, I knew I could do it and was determined to push through the pain. I recalled my pelvic floor specialist, Gina, telling me to “moo to poo”. As I mentioned in my last blog post, Ina May says to relax the jaw to relax the pelvic floor. Gina said a great way to practice is to ‘moo’ while going poo. So in the L&D room I started mooing and it made me laugh. It added a lightness to the mood. I felt joy but also pain and I wanted to shift my focus to the joy that was coming. 

At some point, I turned on my left side and held the rail. I played my Christian Hypnobirthing tracks and got into the zone. For the first time since labor ramped up, I did not feel pain from the contractions. I still noticed the sensations but they did not hurt. I was in the zone. Unfortunately, that was interrupted with the nurses trying to get a read on how the baby was doing. My nurses were nice but I felt bothered and just wanted to be left alone. I turned back on my side and tried to reenter that meditative space. I was waiting for my water to break so my body could do its thing and push the baby out. When my water broke with my daughter, I got relief from the contractions and my body began to push her out. I wondered when my water was going to break and usher in the denouement. It was close to 5am, I heard the nurses talking. One of them said “push”. I knew they weren’t speaking to me but it gave me the brilliant idea to push on my own. So I pushed and felt my water break. I told the people in the room right before my water splashed Taylor and Angel. Once my water broke, I felt the baby’s head and was determined to end my labor, so I began to push again when suddenly I heard…

“Don’t push!”

the doctor yelled as she walked into my labor room. I felt stunned as I was seconds away from ending my hours long labor. I had been in the hospital for more than two hours to deliver my child and finally I made headway just to be told to stop. “Aw man, I was just about to push this baby out!” I thought to myself. I was tired from the labor pains but I knew my joy was coming. It was a different doctor than the one before. She told me not to push as she was just walking in the room and needed to put her gloves on. She asked me to turn on my back. I replied, “Can I stay on my side? I feel comfortable here.” She told me that she could see better and it would be easier for her if I lay on my back. Regrettably (since I tore), I acquiesced and turned on my back. I pushed again and felt a great wave of water come as my baby flew out of me. Oh the relief and the joy! The doctor caught the baby and immediately handed me the baby. Eagerly, I asked Reyes, “What is it?” He uncertainly announced, “Boy?” to which the doctor corrected him: “Girl.” We had another beautiful baby girl! She was crying and I held her to my body, so happy to finally meet her.

Basking in the Twilight

I held my daughter as the doctor sewed me up. This time I had first degree tears. I was aiming for no tearing. Next time, I will deliver in the position that feels best to me. I may still tear, but I want the opportunity to do it my way. The golden hour was heavenly. The nurses helped me position my daughter so I could breastfeed her skin-to-skin. She latched on quickly and suckled her first meal earthside. Once golden hour was completed, they took the baby to give eyedrops and take measurements. Then my nurse wheeled me into the bathroom so I could use it. Angel very compassionately wiped blood from my backside. I will always appreciate my L&D nurses. They saw me at my most vulnerable moments and made me feel comfortable and cared for in the humbling after care. (In fact, on Angel’s next shift, she visited me in Mother and Baby and gifted my daughter a beanie.) Later, our relatives came to visit and R met her younger sister for the first time. I was sad that I did not see the initial meeting but I held them both in my lap as I reclined in the bed. My brother lifted R onto the bed with me, then my mother handed me the baby. R looked at her sister with cheerful curiosity. It was special seeing R take in her new sister. Baby girl spent much of her first day nameless until I finally settled on a name: V. We took V home the next day and each day we are amazed by her.

My birth story may not have happened exactly as I planned but I got everything I wanted: a date that surprised us all, time to labor at the hospital, quick and medicine free birth, and most importantly, a bouncing healthy baby. My second time giving birth was faster and I had less control than I thought I would, yet it was still beautiful. The thrill and delight of bringing a child into the world is incomparable. I want to encourage the women who desire to have an unmedicated or pain free birth to believe for it. There were moments when I experienced no pain during my labor, so I know it is possible. Mental preparation was key to achieving a medicine free childbirth. One thing I focused on is the joy I knew was coming my way. The pain in childbirth is purposeful and it leads to an overwhelming amount of joy and gratitude. Knowing the pain is bringing about good, helped me persevere. As always, I welcome your comments. Feel free to share your birth story with me. God bless all the mothers-to-be and their families. Amen.