When I turned 30, several of my friends told me some version of this: 30 is a magical age where you come into your own. So I turned 30 and waited for this magic to descend upon me. While I felt growth between 29 and 30, I did not feel this sense of newness so many of my friends described they felt upon entering their 30s. Where was my new swagger? Was it showing up any time soon? I could really use it.
The latter half of my 29th year was rough – I suffered deep emotional losses which I was recovering from as I approached my 30th birthday. Eager as I was to free myself of the pain and heavy emotional baggage. I was not yet finished working through it. I had to go through my grieving process and continue relying on the Lord to strengthen myself. There is no magic fix. I had to earn it.
I began 30 in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico with my mother, sister and aunt. It was a blessing to be together on a happy occasion after the deaths in the family earlier in the year. Female bonding time does wonders for the soul and so does getting out of your comfort zone. I did both on that trip and returned to California feeling ready to live my flirty thirty-year-old life.
Though I was feeling a natural high from my birthday vacation, I still was unhappy in other areas in my life including my love life and job. I didn’t feel valued. That feeling bit me until it reached a boiling point and I decided to do something different. I decided to seek therapy to heal my traumas. Therapy allowed me to examine the relationships in my life. My relationship to God, to myself, to my family, friends, employer and potential romantic partners. Slowly, I began to develop my self-confidence as I behaved in a manner that honored myself. I hadn’t been loving me the way I deserved to be loved. Once I started acting in a more loving manner towards myself, it became intolerable to let others not treat me in the same manner.
This direction made a great impact in my life. It allowed me to step out of guilt and fear and accept a new job in another industry. It guided me towards healthier choices in terms of partnerships and friendships. As I began making decisions that honored my spirit, my intuition grew stronger. I felt more assured of myself. I could truly say I was living the Proverbs 3:5-6 bible verse: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.” The best thing is I only changed a few behaviors towards my relationship with myself to arrive at this healthy place.
I am now 31-years-old. I am in the final year in which my age will correspond to the number of days in a month. It is a magical age to be. You are better able to accept yourself as you are; celebrate yourself now and the work you are doing for your future self. Thirty-one begins with such joy and excitement for the future.
I received two affirmations from coworkers this week and through them I hear the voice of God:
“You are meant to be here.”
“Everything has brought you to this moment.”
To you who may be doubtful and worried, I repeat these affirmations for you. You will find your path on your life journey; remember to treat yourself lovingly and as kind as you treat others.
As I looked at the lit candles on my 31st birthday cake, tears streamed down my eyes. I was caught up in emotion because I didn’t need to make a wish – I already have everything I want. It’s inside me and it’s manifesting in my life. I pray it does the same for yours.
Curly Roots 